Welcome to the Sisterhood

by flowers on July 28, 2010 · 21 comments

I didn’t allow myself to want a girl until I had her. And now that I have her I have completely surrendered to all things girl.

Like ruffled sun hats.

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And super cute dresses.

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And there’s always super cute floral pajamas.

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I also like to sit and daydream about the knitted woolen jumpers, picky pants and bonnets I can knit for when the weather cools. (Note to self: less dreaming and more knitting!)

But amidst all the excitement of simply dressing a child differently according to their culturally defined gender, I am truly excited to have a daughter. One of my passions in life is empowering and supporting women around their fertility and childbirth experiences. To think this tiny little daughter of mine was born with hundreds of thousands of eggs in her tiny little uterus just melts me and furthers my obsession with empowered femininity. She holds the potential of live lived forward within her! Mind blowing!

The night she was born (4 weeks ago today) I was laying in my bed relaxing after all was said and done. My midwife, her assistant and my doula, who I’m lucky enough call friends, were all just lounging around me. Lauren: my doula, neighbor and friend said, “Welcome to the Sisterhood”.

I am proud to introduce Ninu into my sisterhood. I have two living grandmothers, my mom, her sister and her daughters. Then there’s Stone’s mother and sister who are powerful and positive allies. My girlfriends who, despite the distance (ladies you know who you are), will always be aunties to my clan and the amazing circle of women who I’ve built community with here in the last two and half years. And now, with this new little bright spirit, the sisterhood has grown that much more.

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Do you have a daughter(s)? What does your sisterhood look like? Any insight into the whole mother/daughter relationship?

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{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }

renee @ FIMBY July 28, 2010 at 6:49 am

Hillary, is Ninu your daughter’s real name. Or is it like Solshine and Koala – I had always assumed these were “code” names? It’s cool either way.

Daughters… Ah… I LOVE having 2 daughters. As for insights, my 2 girls are so different from each other that my relationship with each of them is very unique. But I know that one day my girls will be my best friends (no pressure though!) just as I consider my mom to be my best girl friend.

I could write on and on about having girls but ultimately you need to develop your own relationship with your daughter based on who you are as individuals and as women.

Welcome to the sisterhood.

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flowers July 28, 2010 at 12:17 pm

Yes, Ninu is her nickname. You know I started blogging all based on anonymity so I used code names for the kids and hubby and now it all seems so silly. Not sure if I’ll continue with nicknames or if at some point I’ll use everyone’s real names.

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flowers July 28, 2010 at 12:20 pm

oh and lol about the no pressure!

I found myself nodding my head as you wrote about having a relationship with your daughters as individuals.

This was actually a hard post to write. I had been writing it in my head for days and then sat down late last night and there was so much more to say, but I was also tired. I’m finding the whole feminine/girl/women thing to be a trigger for a lot of stuff for me. Sure I’m blissed out to have a girl, but when I ask myself why the answers are complex and ask me to do some self-examination upon the topic.

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Jessica July 28, 2010 at 6:58 am

Hi Hillary, I loved reading this post. I really understand what you mean about having a daughter. I have often thought about the same things you mentioned. Enjoy this wonderful time:) She is beautiful!

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Amber July 28, 2010 at 3:34 pm

I had a daughter first, and I gave myself much less permission to enjoy the girl-ness. I was so worried about painting her into a corner filled with all things feminine – things she might not like. Now that I have a son, too, I’m much less hung-up. I think first-time parents are just naturally more anxious, and still trying to learn what matters and what doesn’t so much matter.

I am in a place where I’m not so sure about my sisterhood. Which makes me sort of sad. But I know I have my daughter and a good group of friends, and that’s maybe all I need.

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flowers July 28, 2010 at 3:39 pm

Amber, you have a pretty rocking virtual sisterhood ;) Totally counts imho.

I think I would have felt similar if I had a girl first. After ONLY being able to hang out in the boy section it’s just too fun to have a girl.

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Shawna Cevraini July 28, 2010 at 4:24 pm

What a gorgeous girl you have!! Love, love all that hair! Wow!

I never thought about how girls are until I had mine. She is everything beautiful and feminine which I am not. I think that’s why God gave her to me – to teach me more about the sisterhood!

I wrote a love letter to her this year, and I do plan on writing more to her for when she’s older (she’s 10). http://cevraini.wordpress.com/2010/02/01/a-love-letter-to-my-daughter/ if you’d like to read it.

We also have a Mother/Daughter journal where we are writing to each other (we haven’t done much yet, but hope to!)

Girls are special, aren’t they?! :)

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flowers July 28, 2010 at 9:50 pm

Shawna, my mom grew up with six brothers and I was her only daughter. There is a lot of tomboy going on in my family so in many ways I know how you feel. I am so curious how this relationship will play out and what she will teach me about the sisterhood!

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flowers July 30, 2010 at 4:55 pm

Oh and I love the idea of a mother daughter journal. Definitely going to try and remember that one!

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Kate July 28, 2010 at 6:49 pm

Oh, Hillary ~ I LOVED reading this! And it makes me so giddy for the soon arrival of my spirit-baby-girl ( we must talk ! I’m not pregnant, but sooo much going on around her!). I’m so looking forward to joining the sisterhood! :)

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flowers July 28, 2010 at 9:51 pm

Your daughter vibe is just jumping off the page!!!!!!!!

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exhale. return to center. July 28, 2010 at 9:30 pm

loved this hillary. and my gosh. she sure is beautiful!!!

my first child is my daughter and so that’s where i jumped in – ready or not!

something very special about our sisterhood that we are about to embark on is a mother-daughter book club. SO excited to create a multi-generational circle of support for both me and my daughter!!!

xo

~erin

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flowers July 28, 2010 at 9:53 pm

AFter hearing from both you and Amber I’m thinking about how birth order is playing such a role in my emotions towards having a daughter. I think I had to really come to place of accepting that I might not have a daughter and so to have her here is feels like I won the lottery or something.

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Jessica July 29, 2010 at 7:26 am

That is how I felt too. I had three sons before my daughter was born and I had really accepted that I was not going to have a girl. Then she arrived and I couldn’t believe my luck! So many friends asked me if I felt more complete now that I had a daughter, and I wasn’t sure how to answer. I wonder if fathers feel more complete after having a son?

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flowers July 29, 2010 at 7:52 am

That’s so interesting that you say that Jessica, because since she’s been born “feeling complete” is a feeling I’ve had. Actually in a way that I’ve never felt it before. I’m not sure if it’s because she’s a girl, b/c it’s our third and we feel done or if it’s just something specific to her coming at this time and space.

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deb July 29, 2010 at 10:30 am

i love having a daughter! and i dressed in her every little frilly item i wanted when she was a baby – so glad i got it out of my system cause once she got her voice she chose much more functional stuff and hasn’t turned back since – she now, at 16, has developed her own completely wonderful sense of style – love seeing her outfits!

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Maria July 29, 2010 at 3:56 pm

I love the sisterhood! I’ve been blessed with 5 sisters and now that I’m having my second in a few months and I know its a girl, I’m very happy that my first born daughter will be able to “be sisters” with someone.

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Stacy (Mama-Om) July 30, 2010 at 2:58 pm

I felt tender reading this post, because I have always wanted to be the mother of a daughter… I longed for that at the same time I feel that somehow I was fated to have boys, whom I love so, so dearly!! We (my husband and I) are also coming to terms with having no more children, and that brings up some grief and acceptance about not being a baby-mama again, to either a boy or a girl. But it has ultimately been a healing process to go through.

I love that you have so many strong women in your family, still living and close. What a gift to you and your daughter, and your entire family!

Blessings,
Stacy

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flowers July 30, 2010 at 4:56 pm

Oh Stacy, I know. I’ve actually really been wrestling with my joy of having a girl, because it brings up what it would mean if it wasn’t a girl. I mean really they are people over gender and gender comes on such a spectrum anyways. It’s been lots of fun, but also has given me lots to think about.

We are going through lots of tenderness thinking that this is our last. It’s just so sweet.

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