Intentions :: 34 Weeks

by flowers on May 2, 2010 · 13 comments

I am feeling so much better this week. Allowing myself to release and deeply feel the intensity of the emotions I had been sweeping under the rug turned out to be a very freeing and healing experience; even though in the midst it felt very scary, sad and depressing.

I had a beautiful weekend with my family and found myself smiling at my round belly in the reflection of a store window as I left pre-natal yoga. I’m beginning to come to the awareness that this is most likely my last baby and to that I respond with a complete melting heart. My baby! This will be my baby for now and forever!

Happy Mama
(photo by Sol, age 5)

I think about how much Sol inspires me and how much Koala delights me. To imagine someone else to melt me feels really, really good. After having all sorts of feelings around this pregnancy it is a relief to feel like this will be not only be okay–but it will be wonderful.

Perspective

Part of my clarity in moving forward is to prepare for this baby! I’ll be 34 weeks pregnant this Wednesday which leaves me anywhere from 6-9 weeks to prepare. As I’ve mentioned, our family has had an extremely stressful early spring and we are just beginning to find our flow again. I’m newly inspired to help guide and foster a rhythmic and soothing family home life again.

Just Thinking
(taking a pause on a recent outdoor adventure)

Blogging fits into this new rhythm, of course, and I’m enjoying it as a tool to center and process my experience. I will be continuing to blog here regularly, but I think I will be intentionally stepping back from the internet/media world in general. I want more time to get dreamy, get organized and prepare my home and family for this transition.

Big Boy

My plan is to post three times a week which will include a weekly update with my intentions for my week, a nesting series that follows my home preparation until baby arrives and a photo friday reflection piece. (And if anything else inspires of course I’ll throw it in the mix.)

Balance

You can count all of this as my weekly update and here are my intentions for the week.

Right now I feel:

Like I’ve gone through a little death. Parts of life are asking me to let go and trust in the power of transformation. There are parts of me that no longer serve my greatest purpose and I am ready and willing to let go so that I can grow and move forward on my journey.

I want to relate to my earthly & material well-being by:

Being open to the flow. I am willing to let go and mourn what could have been and instead focus on the journey in front of me. I am willing to allow laughter back into my life and give up any resistance to where I am led. As I put one foot in front of the other I trust my path will unfold in front of me.

My creative expression will focus on:

Paying attention to the natural ebb and flow of my family’s life. I want to notice the way rhythm works its way within and through us as a family unit and help guide that energy so that all our needs are met. I will use my creativity to help us align as a group and have our needs met as individuals.

I will focus my mind and intentions on:

The abundance in my life. My fridge and pantry is full. I have a beautiful home and a reliable car. We truly have everything we need to be comfortable and as I acknowledge this I feel content and satisfied in my life. I am truly blessed.

I will celebrate my spirit by:

Celebrating the juiciness of my fertility. As my body rounds I will find more ways to feel at home in myself: warm baths, nightly yoga, dance and extra pillows to sleep. I celebrate my ability to grow and nurture another being into life and acknowledge that this is a sacred time. There are only so many more evenings of feeling the strong kicks of this baby from within my womb and I want to honor and acknowledge the fleeting nature of this miracle.

I am moving towards a time of:

Frugality and wise money management. This is a precarious time for us as we rely on a new business for our income and have a new baby. I know that by making wise and intentional decisions about our finances we can make it through this time whole, joyful and with a sense of abundance.

*** *** ***

I think this is going to be a fantastic week! What about you? Any intentions/emotions/thoughts you’d like to share? If you’re so inclined I’d love to have anyone join me in weekly intentions.

These pictures are from an adventure we took looking for a young family of Great Horned Owls. Stone came across the nest and large, white babies on a run one day. We did not have a sighting: as a group we aren’t the stealthiest (or the quietest ;).

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{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }

Amber May 2, 2010 at 10:58 pm

What a great post! You certainly have a lot going on right now. But it sounds like you’re coming to a good place, and I’m happy for you.

Right now I really feel as if I’m lost in limbo. For me, this week is about generating lots and lots of ideas. Dreaming. Listening to my subconscious. And then it’s about choosing something, and making a start.
.-= Amber´s last blog ..19 Years On =-.

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Hillary May 2, 2010 at 11:02 pm

That sounds really exciting. I would love to hear about all your ideas. I love creative times like that :)

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Katherine May 2, 2010 at 11:56 pm

Ah, I was just blogging about intentions and affirmations tonight as they relate to birth fear. I’m 17 weeks pregnant with #3…. my big birth fear is post partum bleeding. I am setting my intent that I will hold to my visualizations of an easy, peaceful, painless, complication (bleed free) free birth at home!! I will not allow fear to get in my way (because I’ve been feeling it… erg).

Love the blog :)
.-= Katherine´s last blog ..Confronting Birth Fear =-.

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exhale. return to center. May 3, 2010 at 6:04 am

oh hillary!!!! what an inspiring post my friend.

love you my dear!!!!

~erin
.-= exhale. return to center.´s last blog ..exhale interviews :: chris carr =-.

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renee @ FIMBY May 3, 2010 at 6:50 am

Hillary, this was so nice to read.

I am having the last morning with my mom on our weekend away. I feel so refreshed and feel such clarity about this next season of life after this little time away. I honestly don’t know how much of those intentions will make it to the blog this week or next, but I’m hoping some.

I enjoyed reading your intentions.

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Juliana May 3, 2010 at 7:22 am

So wonderful that you’re doing this. When I was pregnant with Luna last summer, I sat down every day and meditated. I took walks out in nature. I visualized how I wanted her birth to be. I spoke to her. I drew pictures and wrote down bits of wisdom. I exercised. I cleared out negativity and aired out my concerns where ever I found them (and there were quite a few). I ate very well (I gained 55 pounds!). Then, when the time came, it happened just as I had imagined it. It was lovely.

Wishing the best of luck to your spiritual growth in these next coming weeks. Pregnancy as such a special time, one in which we should reflect and spend time with ourselves. I remember feeling so spiritually alive during that time.

I’m glad that you will still be blogging now and then, as I feel I’ve found a kindred spirit :).

You might check out Ina May Gaskin’s books if you haven’t yet, and the book Birthing From Within is very inspiring and calming.
.-= Juliana´s last blog ..Dear Luna, My Little Moon Girl: Your Adventures Have Begun =-.

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Maria May 4, 2010 at 6:22 pm

Your pregnancy and birth sounded wonderful, it is harder to focus as much on my second since I’m already such a busy moma! I’ll definitely be re-reading Birthing From Within though.

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Michelle May 4, 2010 at 4:03 pm

I really appreciated your last few posts. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with us in such an honest way.

My mother pased away last week after a long illness that lasted 2/3 of my life. I am also in the process of selling my home of almost 7 years and moving 40 miles away. We are planning on growing our family. I am thoroughly overwhelmed. This is a new beginning in so many ways and I’m scared and excited at the same time. Your posts have resonated with me because these changes come with a lot of emotions. Reading what you wrote inspires me to feel them, write about them and most of all own them.

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flowers May 4, 2010 at 4:55 pm

Michelle, it’s so great to have you and thanks for sharing! I can (obviously completely relate) and I hope you are able to navigate through your life changes with ease and intention.

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Maria May 4, 2010 at 6:20 pm

Thanks for your thoughts Hillary. This week my focus is on feeling more serenity and believing that it will all work out somehow. We are feeling in the middle of a transition and also facing an unexpected pregnancy. In a few months, we will be moving across the country, again, back to our friends, family and home, which is great, but instead of (finally) launching my legal career I will be at home with baby #1 and having #2 in September. It is easy to get lost in the details and worry about finding a place to live, a job, and general well-being of the family when there are so many unknowns. But, I realized, I’ve come pretty far and figured it all out up to this point so I’m sure that we can take on what comes. Enough with the worries!

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Kate May 4, 2010 at 6:46 pm

Sending you so much love, joy and baby magic!!!
(Though forgive me if I casually mention that I see you with 5 kids! ;) )
.-= Kate´s last blog ..My Everyday Magic 5/4/10 =-.

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flowers May 4, 2010 at 7:11 pm

excuse my 80s flashback, but Kate, that’s so funny I forgot to laugh. ;P

One in the recent past we could see ourselves with more and right now it’s feeling *really* good to feel like I will be moving on after this one.

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