Let’s hear it for the modern father. It’s been quite a journey for them these past few decades. The feminist movement has been strong and the sons of the guys who were being oppressive were left with few role models of how to father compassionately and equally hold their own around the family. Gone are the days of Donald Draper coming home from who knows where ready to pour himself a hard drink and sit down for a hot meal and not do the dishes.
No sir. Not in my family. And from what I see across the blogosphere this isn’t happening in your family either.
I give Stone a lot of credit. Not only has he brought home the free-range bacon these past few years so I could stay home and breastfeed to my heart’s content, but he also came home and rolled up his sleeves. He cooks, he cleans and he takes care of his children. He’s amazing.
He might not always do things the way *I* would do them, but that’s my stuff to work out (and I’ve had to work it out). We have different culinary preferences, we dress the kids different and have different play/caretaking styles. Good for us!
When I leave the house I don’t worry if the kids will be fed. In fact I don’t worry at all. I don’t rush home to relieve him of my his baby-sitting services (which is something we heard a lot when we were kids. Mom was the caregiver: dad was the babysitter).
This has all evolved over the years, because sometimes we do find ourselves settling into outdated, culturally defined roles of mother and father, and luckily we are able to see that, take note and decide if it works for us–or if we want to make a new definition of mother and father.
This is my toast to the new father.
The one who parents from his heart and models respect towards his children’s mother.
The one who supports his partners dreams and ambitions.
The one who wears and apron and can be seen using a mop, or a washing machine, or any home appliance that was taboo in past generations.
The one who thinks his responsibility as a father is more than breadwinning and disciplining.
The one who is not afraid to say I don’t know how to do this, but I’m learning and I want to help.
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{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }
Yay for the modern dad!
Here! Here! Our husbands are by and large doing a great job as role models and involved parents. Now, if they would just bring home some flowers now and again :-)
Emily´s last blog ..Stove-popped thyme popcorn*
Amen. I love having a wonderful dad for my kids. Something I never had. I cherish it.
Leah´s last blog ..All About My Kids
Your admiration for your husband is heartwarming. I think many moms (including me) have a tendency to take our modern men for granted. This post reminds me that I need to show and speak more appreciation to my amazing husband. It’s exhausting to be Superdad!
Julia´s last blog ..Menu Plan for the Week of 10/19: A Soup a Day
Love this! I may not always like how/why/when he does things, but I’m thankful I’ll never have him walk in the door expecting to be waited on like men in the past.
Summer´s last blog ..Kill The Car – No Impact Week Day 3
How wonderful! I think I’ll send this to my partner in parenting. Like so many men of his generation, my husband David has worked hard to be a thoughtful and helpful father and family man. He is very engaged not just in doing the work but thinking how to make it meaningful. I especially love how much he has helped me think through what kind of mother I want to be.
I’m wondering when Stone can come here?
LJ´s last blog ..Awareness
Right after I get him, LJ!! ;)
Yay for Stone and yay for the modern dad!! Dan has said some pretty awesome things to that effect, my favorite being when I told him I’d want him to read lots of parenting/baby type books that I like, he said, “Who needs a book? Shouldn’t you just follow your intuition?” Love it!
Devon´s last blog ..Working Girl
what a beautiful post hillary!
it is so easy to take for granted the wonderful partners that we have. thank you for reminding me to stop and thank him for all he does.
exhale. return to center.´s last blog ..fun on the run
Indeed! We have twin toddlers and I am always so thankful that I don’t have to ask their dad to change their diapers or get up to comfort them in the middle of the night. He is the sole breadwinner, so he does work long hours, and I do try to make things easy for him. I have recently been chided for making his breakfast, packing his lunch, and home-baking the goodies he loves…but I wouldn’t trade places with him for the world. In this economy to have the pressure of providing for a family of five by the sweat of my brow? No thanks. I remember this everytime I’m starting to feel unappreciated/overworked. I need to tell him more how much I appreciate his involvement in our kids’ lives.
KDL´s last blog ..Taking Care of Yourself
I’m so glad everyone related! I do believe there is a peaceful army of fantastic fathers out there. Good news for the world!
This post was lovely… and so very true. I have an ex-husband in my past that is NOT like this… and a new soon-to-be-husband that is. And I love him so very much for not being caught up in the patriarchal bullshit.
Jasie VanGesen´s last blog ..I was feeling part of the scenery, I walked right out of the machinery.
Yay for the Dad’s who are parenting from their hearts : )
What a beautiful post!!
gardenmama´s last blog ...: Scenting Our Dreams ~ A Tutorial for making Dream Pillows :.
On the day you posted this Justin had stayed home from work for me. I had one of those overwhelming, the-world-is-falling-to-peices moments the night before (in which he responded by lying with me, holding me while I cried it all out) and he recognized my need for help. He cooked, cleaned, did laundry, worked in the yard and allowed me to have a day of much needed vegging. Then he accompanied us to the park with the unschooling group and relaxed with me in the grass.
That kind of unconditional love still amazes me.
~Tara
TheOrganicSister´s last blog ..I just want to feel good.
Beautiful! I’m going to share this with my hubby :) And I have the same issue with having to let go my expectations about things being done differently than the way I would do them, but it’s mostly really stupid stuff like folding the towels and putting away clothes, that in the light of day seems silly to even worry about *lol* Thanks for the reminder of what there is to be grateful about :)
Add my Mister to the army of fantastic fathers. I have him on my gratitude list more times than not for sure.
Tara´s last blog ..Halloween 2009
Yeah! A Zeke pic. :)
I’ve been loving reading your blog.
Hey Jennifer-
Glad to see you here :)