Stone just walked out the door with a bag full of snacks, water bottles and beach towels. My two little guys followed in swim gear and matching water sandals. As they walked down the stairs I called “I love you!” (it was all a little sentimental) and Solshine calls back up, “I love you too, Mom!” (sigh.)
And now it’s quiet. The kitchen is clean, I’ve got a local, free-range chicken in the crock pot for dinner and frozen smoothie pops in the freezer for a snack later.
This is actually working! I think I’ve figured out how to slow time down: a little self-discipline and the intense desire to focus on what I want and needed to get done.
I was chatting with my friend Miranda at our unschoolers park day yesterday and I was talking about how my whole life I have heard people espouse the value of self-discipline, but how I needed to rebel against discipline, only to find myself craving it at age 29. Miranda responded that it makes perfect sense because people trying to teach self-discipline is actually not conducive to actually learning self-discipline. Waking up for yoga every day at 5 am was someone else’s idea of how one could learn self-discipline, not mine. (Did I interpret that right, M?)
And that is partly what fuels me as a parent to question and live authentically for my children. I hope that they don’t spend 10 years rejecting something ‘just because’. I hope they can cut to the chase and just be and feel the way they want instead of untangling everyone else’s ideas. And yes, my children will probably rebel against us and go live some conventional life, but isn’t that the point: to function in society because you want to, not because you are ‘supposed to’.
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On another note Stone had a bit of a hard time adjusting to his random vacation morning. He’s so wired and focused on supporting us financially that sometimes transitioning out of providing mode is tricky. (And since when is spending time with the kids not providing?!)
“It’s alright,” I said, as I nudged him out the door, “share that financial provider essence with me and you go enjoy yourself. After all, how many fathers get to enjoy a beautiful summer’s day midweek, at a state park, swimming in waterfalls with their kids? It would be a travesty if you spent one moment stressing about what you ‘could be’ doing, instead of marveling at the life you are living.”
In this infinite moment, all is well in our world.
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Yeah, the whole idea that to FORCE someone to do something in the name of learning SELF discipline kinda has it bass ackwards. It has got to come from within in order for it to be self discipline. Otherwise it is just following orders…
Loved this post and am enjoying reading about your days. Our have been much the same since I relaxed into them.
“I’ve figured out how to slow down time” – Exactly! It feels good, too.
~Tara
Before we did this I found myself saying, “I never have enough time. I feel so overwhelmed. There’s just so much to do.”
Ick.
Then last night I told Stone I felt like these were the longest days of my life and realized I had actually slowed time! It’s such a feeling of relief.
Interesting that you got the self-discipline thing around age 29; that’s when you have your Saturn return, and discipline is definitely a Saturn thing.
I love hearing about your beautiful life!
Z! Thanks so much! That definitely gives me fuel to keep going down this path. My 29th birthday felt like such a big turning point for me.
(We were just taking a walk and I was wondering out loud to Stone how you guys were doing. Miss you.)
On another note Stone had a bit of a hard time adjusting to his random vacation morning. He’s so wired and focused on supporting us financially that sometimes transitioning out of providing mode is tricky. (And since when is spending time with the kids not providing?!)
“It’s alright,” I said, as I nudged him out the door, “share that financial provider essence with me and you go enjoy yourself. After all, how many fathers get to enjoy a beautiful summer’s day midweek, at a state park, swimming in waterfalls with their kids? It would be a travesty if you spent one moment stressing about what you ‘could be’ doing, instead of marveling at the life you are living.”
this is really huge. i think my husband struggles with this a lot too. he’s been doing the “get up and go to work grind” for so long, it’s often hard for him to slow down and play.
Hi there! I found you through Tara (the Organic Sister)….this post spoke to me so deeply…I even took notes!! Thanks for sharing, I will be back, soon.
Peace~