Tonight as I was making dinner Stone kept me company in the kitchen holding Ninu. He brought up our wedding day and as we each shared our favorite moments the memories cascaded out one after another. It felt really good.
It brought me back to an entirely different place: one where our relationship was front and center and we had the freedom to lounge in the goodness of Us.
A few weeks ago, as Stone was stood across the room bouncing a fussy Ninu and an endless sea of toys and two busy boys stood between us he joked, “So, does this mean less sex?”
We laughed, but it’s not really funny. We know a key to staying together is making a conscious effort to grow our relationship in healthy ways. It will never be like those early days where a rainy afternoon meant a leisurely afternoon of napping and indulgence (or at least for quite a few years), but we can find new ways to celebrate our partnership.
Tonight as we re-lived our wedding day (it was so amazing!) I realized that simply remembering the how and why we choose to walk this life together is profound. In a time where there is little time for “us” it helps to remember and those good feelings naturally lead us into asking how we can make it better; how we can make sure our relationship stays strong and how we can keep room for Us in a big and busy family.
(And to illustrate my point I will tell you that I amongst the thousand of photos I have on my computer there wasn’t one of just the two of us!)
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It is sometimes easy to forget the couple in the family. TOO easy, I say. And sometimes I become complacent, trusting that it will always just be there like magic.
Here’s to remembering why, and to making the effort to grow.
cheers to that Amber.
This is so true Hon. Damien and I are very intentional, rather attached parents – we never labeled ourselves attachment parents because that didn’t quite fit but needless to say we were with our children all the time, though they didn’t share our bed. This did put a little crimp on “adult loving” for a time but now that there’s not babies or little ones waking in the night (which basically means a well rested mama), watch out!
For us, parenting littles was a very intense time of our lives that required a lot of giving of ourselves – to both our children and each other. And it’s so important to cultivate your love relationship in little ways, regularly, during that time. It’s not the big dates that really matter (we never had any of those anyway). It’s the foot rubs and times like you had in the kitchen together.
I love marriage and could rattle on and on about it. But yes the Us in your family is very important!
Thanks for sharing Renee. It really helps to hear from the “other side” and remember that it won’t be quite this intense forever. Helps me embrace the moment too!
Sort of like labor–you can’t imagine you will ever be normal again!
Oh my! I’m quite sure I don’t have any pics of just me and hubby on my computer either!! But, just like you, I’m committed to keeping our relationship are priority. Speaking of which, I have date ~ gotta go! ;)
you and G are such an inspiration with your dates! wish we were closer so we could double date!
I totally agree. On our 10th wedding anniversary last year, we did a vow renewal ceremony.. I wore my wedding dress. It was truly an amazing way to reconnect and to focus again on the beauty of our relationship.
very timely post my friend.
we no longer have babies in our house but right now it’s opposite work schedules that are challening the heck out of us. john’s at work mon-fri during the day. i’m burning the midnight oil weeknights and running events on the weekends.
really, really hard to find that sweet, soft space that we use to enjoy so freely in the early years.
we’re both feeling burned out in a big way and trying to figure out how we can shift things so that there is more soft, overlapping, relaxing together time in our weeks.
i really appreciate your words.
xo
~e
I hear you Erin. Something for us both to keep aware of right now.
I love how we’re on the same wave length. I just posted a follow-up post to our anniversary, things that had been on my mind that I contribute to having made it this far (which in our families is no small feat). It ended up being a gentle reminder of my role in all our craziness right now.
I loved your post Tara. I agree with it all (like usual ;) and would love to elaborate but the one handed typing I’ve been doing lately is cramping my commenting style.
Lovely post, Flowers. We just have the one baby and it still gets tough to find couple time in the midst of busy work, baby and social routines. But, sometimes, we don’t need a lot of time to connect intimately. All it needs is a word, a special look, a hug or a touch and voila, the magic is back:-)
Beautiful post and just what I needed to hear.
Something about what you wrote here “clicked” with me this morning, when I remembered that I used to ask my husband questions like, “Tell me about when you first saw me,” or, “Tell me about our first date.” It was a way of revisiting the giddiness of our first days together. I haven’t asked any such questions in a long, long time. Our fifth wedding anniversary is this weekend, and I think I’ll be bringing out those old questions again … plus maybe some new ones, too. Thank you for this post!
It’s so true. I love reliving those moments and you’re right, I love asking him about how he noticed me for the first time or why he pursued me. It gets me racing just thinking about it!
I think I’ll be asking again too.
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