Koala’s recent walk-a-thon has prompted me to wonder what other amazing feats he is capable of accomplishing. Maybe I am cutting the kids short with my expectations of what they can’t do. I would have never believed an 18 month old could walk a mile simply because I have never seen or really heard about a child this young walking long distances. I think he walked that far because he does not view the world with any type of limitations and walking independently was exciting and exhilarating. More importantly, he was able to walk that far because J.Stone gave him the time and space to explore his capabilities.
So what else could kids do if we gave them a chance? When I was studying abroad in Auroville, India I visited a man named Gupi who did body work and massage. Gupi’s nine year old son lived in a tree house a dozen feet front his parents front door, but almost thirty feet up in the air. I found this living arrangement to be amazingly thought provoking. I had recently left home for college and the air had been full of tension at home. I would stare up at this boy’s tree house and think about how good it might have felt to have some space to call my own, all the while safely close to home.
Not long after, I read The Continuum Concept which shed more light on the subject of children being capable of more than we typically assume. I decided that I wanted my children to be self-sufficient at an early age. Koala’s recent milestone has reminded me of my earlier experiences and revelations and I can already see how easy it is to do “too much” for my kids. I want to stay conscious of the important life skills I want to share with the boys. Ideally, I would like to encourage them to be as independent as possible while providing them with a strong foundation of support.
Often, I find myself dressing Solshine simply because it is faster. I want to go, go, GO! And he is just not interested in time constraints. I know he can dress himself, but I rarely give him that space. All of this has me thinking that I need to back off a little and expect a little more. It’s so easy to look at my sweet four year old and see how little he is, but maybe it is time to step back and see how capable he is.
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I think when Zeb was that age I saw him as more capable than he was. My expectations are too high. I’m sure that added to his feeling the need to be perfect. I try to maintain a balance now; having positive assumptions but no expectations, you could say. I’m still pretty bad at wanting to rush him though. I’m too “go, go, go” also.
I was thinking about this post as he asked me to pretend he was a baby today after a tub. It’s that whole ebb and flow thing of balance; they take a huge leap and then need to scurry back to mom to recenter. I can appreciate and see the need for that, but I also don’t want my agenda to skip over those important, almost invisible, learning experiences.
I remember hearing a woman in an interview talking about parenting once who said she asks herself everyday, “What can my kids do today that they couldn’t do yesterday?”
I thought it was fantastic.
Dude. You can’t even IMAGINE what kids can do if given the opportunity, especially if the adult in charge (ie me) is lazy LOL!. I had my students doing EVERYTHING for themselves, and for the classroom. Parents were extraordinarily impressed, and of course I took full credit ;)
Theresa of Little Turtle Knits specifically chose a vacuum her kids could use because they love to pretend to vacuum, so now she has them do it for her (they were about 6, 4, and 2 when she posted about it). I had kids I babysit for cleaning my car windows because they really, really wanted to spray Windex.
And YEAH – S can totally dress himself. He could probably even pick his clothes out if you’re not afraid of what he might come up with!
So Koala really amazed me…..when j.Stone was walking around with my slippers on shortly after my arrival to the lil red house….He realized that J had taken my slippers and went instead and got J’s slippers for me and placed them at my feet…i was very impressed!
Oh, that is so sweet. This little guy is so aware.