(My Friday’s Flowers which were gifted to me at my Mother’s Blessingway.)
Life can be a roller coaster sometimes: thrilling, but filled with heart-stopping drops, surprising twists and a seemingly endless ride.
I certainly know this right now. Whether it’s welcoming our third child any moment into our tiny 750 sq/ft home, relying solely on our brand new, off-the-ground small family business for our income or managing the day to day needs of two incredibly busy little boys–lots of deep breathing has become a necessity of sanity.
And friends. Friends have become our life line. Two-and-a-half years ago we moved to a new town in order to live more of our ideal life, but there was a trade-off. We left the secure network of family behind. Family who doesn’t blink twice about stepping in when things get tough. Family who once provided weekly dinners, took the kids for the afternoon or would pick something from the store you need. Our family will be coming to help, but we’re on our own for the time being.
This past Sunday my friends threw me a Mother’s Blessing. It was beautiful and wonderful. There aren’t actually words for how amazing it was and how good it felt to realize I am not alone. I have friends. And they are amazing. They are also super busy moms just like me so I don’t usually ask for help.
However, last week I sprained the ligaments in my hip making me not only 40 weeks pregnant, but unable to do more than limp around the house before I need to ice and rest again. In other words, I’m sunk. I can’t take my two year old outside, I can’t grocery shop and I can’t go to the laundromat.
My friends have started to insist on helping and at first we resisted. It felt like we were failing, like we couldn’t take care of our own family anymore. But they keep coming and insisting on helping–picking up our laundry and dropping it back off again. Bringing us dinner complete with love notes and dessert. I get phone calls when they are on the way to the store asking if we need anything. They are taking care of me. They are taking care of us.
I keep asking myself. Why is it so hard to accept help? I feel thankful and incredibly blessed, but also somewhat embarrassed. I feel like I’m imposing and making their life hard even though they keep insisting on helping with smiles on their faces.
Good friends are indeed priceless.
What about you? Do you find it difficult to accept help?
{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }
I have tears in my eyes. You are such a wonderful person. Wish I were closer all the time so I could also help.
I do find it difficult to accept help. I find it even hard to ask for help. A dear friend and I have had this discussion many times in the past few months.
.-= Nicki´s last blog ..Appetite – Six Word Friday =-.
Yes, so hard to ask. And yet, I know all I have to do is ask, or be asked…. How will they know I am in need if I don’t ask? Why do we need to reach bottom to feel ready to ask? This is the one thing I dislike about the rugged individualism of the American culture. And yet I treasure my privacy. Hmmm, how to reconcile? Not easy, for sure.
I was talking to my friend and doula Lauren about this who mentioned if we lived in a more extended community/family society I wouldn’t be doing all the cooking and cleaning and childcare anyways at 40weeks. Sure I’d be out in the garden on my hands and knees (good for last minute baby positioning) but there would be other hands to help. We’re so far away from that and yet, like you said Miranda, I too enjoy my privacy. I guess it’s a give and take.
I love your bouquet!
.-= Phyllis´s last blog ..Katie’s Etsy Shop is Now Open =-.
Oh hon. I’m so happy that you have someone helping and taking care of you. I agree, it is very hard to accept help. We have lived far from family for our whole duration (so far) of raising children. I know what it’s like to create a life for yourself according to your values but be on your own because of it.
Thank you for linking to Friday’s Flowers. I loved your contribution.
Wish I knew about the Blessingway. :)
As soon as I’m healthy I’d be happy to help
Oooh! I got chills looking at your beautiful blessingway pics!!!
I’m soooo glad you are getting help, and yes, I feel you ~ I REALLY have a hard time accepting help. But I’m getting better!
Sending healing and loving vibes to you, my dear sister!!!
I just love you so much!
.-= Kate´s last blog ..My Everyday Magic 06/18/2010 =-.
I got chills looking at the pictures too! How I wish I was there to help you out right now!
I love you and wish you peace and healing while you prepare for birth.
LJ and Kate–didn’t the pics remind you of our goddess circle? I definitely thought about it :) I was pulling out my sacred stuff and people asked about the cards and insisted we spread them out on the alter so you were all there too!
I do find it difficult to accept help. I feel as if any requests are bothersome to others. It’s less about pride, I think, and more about my own desire to not annoy people. Either way, it’s not easy for me.
I’m glad that you’re finding help, and that you have a network of friends. That is such an amazing gift. I really think that’s how we were meant to live, as one interconnected network of people helping each other.
.-= Amber´s last blog ..Sea Water, Children and Cameras =-.
was thinking about you and wanted to come by to share some love. what a joy to find this beautiful post.
you are stunning my friend! and your words speak to my soul.
thank you for sharing your beautiful light!!
xo
~erin
.-= exhale. return to center.´s last blog ..{ breathing space } =-.
I think I find it most difficult to ask for help. I noticed this when my daughter was a newborn and I was having trouble adjusting.
Friends are so important! We have been living away from home for the past year and are going back to where we have friends and family in just a few days, and I can’t wait, I’ve really missed having family and friends nearby.
(((hugs))) I’m sorry you aren’t feeling well. And I know it’s hard to accept or ask for help. It’s always been a struggle of mine.
When my dad died so many people offered help, but it didn’t feel authentic. And I think that’s often why we say no to help…we think it’s an offer of obligation and we don’t want to become a burden.
But then my aunt didn’t offer…she just acted. She showed up with groceries and cleaning supplies. She took care of every little task that would have overburdened us to the point of cracking as we planned a funeral and mourned a father. I have tears in my eyes just remembering it. It’s forever changed my offerings. When I can act, I do. And when the act comes to me from a place of pure compassion such as my aunt’s or your friends, I’ve learned to accept.
.-= ~Tara´s last blog ..Cajun Cooking Experiments =-.
Oh Tara, thank you so much for sharing. I think you are so right. People kept offering, but finally someone called and insisted they were coming over and dragged my laundry away. It was returned with a cooked meal and a love note. I swear it changed my whole life.
I’m so glad you had your aunt during that period of time.
I have a hard time accepting help because I always think family should be the ones to help – except mine usually don’t so I wind up feeling really alone. Right now though, we have acquired an angel. Someone who is helping us out in a way I could never have dreamed possible, and I am accepting it….. except I can’t shake the feeling that I should feel guilty or not accept it. It’s too much, it’s too big, it makes me look like I can’t do anything by myself, that I’m not successful all on my own… But she knows it’s not like that, and that I am a successful person and that my family is successful and that we are good people who don’t take advantage, and that is why she wants to help. Sorry about being cryptic. I’m not ready to say more. But this looked like a good place to start saying something….. Thanks for your space Hillary.
In short, I feel the same as you.
.-= Melodie´s last blog ..Vegetarian Foodie Fridays: Cauliflower Marranca =-.
((( i’m thinking of you and sending lots of love. happy solstice dear friend!! )))
xo
~e
.-= exhale. return to center.´s last blog ..gettin’ out of dodge =-.
I too have trouble asking for help. For me, it’s a combination of not wanting to impose and wanting to be able to take care of myself. I actually turned down an offer by a friend to set up a meal train when my 2nd baby was arriving! I must have been really crazy! It’s definitely okay to accept help and sometimes it’s hard to remember to do it and feel good about it. But being on the other side of giving this kind of help so much in the last couple years, I realize, with friends and loved ones, for me, it’s always given with such joy. And those friends and loved ones must feel the same joy in giving also, so really, it’s such a nice cycle to participate in.
I wish I was closer, I’d come help too! <3
What a beautiful Mother’s Blessing your friends threw. They sound like such gems. It is hard to ask for help, I’m not sure why. But it seems a common theme to many people I know. I’m glad your friends are insisting upon it and I hope you heal soon.
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