As we celebrate the newest addition to our family and transition into this new phase of mindful family living I have opened …infinitely learning… to guest posters every Monday. I’m having so much fun hearing from you all I am going to continue to accept submissions. Today I am thrilled to introduce and share a piece from Amber of Strocel.com. She’s one of my favorite bloggers so be sure to check her out.
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I have lived a very conventional life. I have never set off a firecracker or smoked a cigarette. In fact, I haven’t smoked anything at all – my grade 4 teacher told me not to. I graduated first in my class from high school, earned an engineering degree and got a Real Job. I married my high school sweetheart, bought a house in the suburbs and had babies. We have a cat and a lovely lawn.
There are advantages to being conventional. When you follow the rules you receive certain rewards. Things like comfortable salaries deposited every other week into your bank account and business cards with a snappy title under your name. The world understands who you are and your way is smoothed. I liked that part of it.
In spite of the advantages, though, I occasionally questioned my conventional life. Why was I doing this, anyway? What if instead of 3 weeks vacation I wanted to take 5 weeks? Why did I spend most of my waking hours in a gray cubicle? Few locales are less inspiring than gray cubicles.
Me and my husband Jon, in our conventional suburban living / dining room
I ignored my doubts. I had a mortgage and small children, and being conventional promised safety. Except that it didn’t. It turned out the safety was an illusion. Your job can be eliminated based on a decision from someone who’s never even met you. Your comfortable existence can vanish in the blink of an eye in an effort to maximize corporate efficiency. And it all has nothing to do with how well you followed the rules.
This is how I found myself, towards the end of my second maternity leave, trying desperately not to cry. My infant son was sleeping on my lap. My boss and an HR rep were on the phone. They were very apologetic, and I’m pretty sure the whole thing was almost as bad for them as it was for me. I was hardly alone – my company was slashed. So were countless other companies all over the world, as the global economy tanked. My conventional world was turned on its side.
Because I had been such a good rule follower, I was fortunate to receive a pretty good severance package. I could live on it for a while, if I was careful. Looking at my friends who were struggling to find work, I decided to do that. I would spend some time with my kids and wade back in when things had settled down a little. In the meantime, I would take some time to plan my next move.
Me and my children on a very conventional family vacation
I asked myself a simple question – what do I want to do with my life? I was at a loss to answer. This is not the sort of question that conventionality encourages. The answers to this question are risky, you see. Wanting makes you vulnerable. Dreaming leaves your heart open. It compels you to action and you could fail. Failure sucks.
After I spent some time wallowing, though, I finally realized that not dreaming is no guarantee. I had always done the Responsible Thing. I had pleased every teacher and aced every test. I had been courteous and not rocked the boat. And yet, here I was, losing my job. There is no escaping the possibility of failure. I might as well follow my passions.
My lay-off was over a year ago, now. I still haven’t decided what to do with my life. But the more freedom I give myself, the more answers I find. I know that my life will involve simplifying so that I don’t have to work as much. It will involve doing things myself, living lightly on the earth, and baking bread from scratch. It will involve homemade ice cream and handmade clothes and a whole lot of writing. I will start a business or three. I will show my children that some rules are meant to be broken. And I will know that however my life turns out, it will be something that I created with my family. That’s worth being a little unconventional for, don’t you think?
You can follow along with Amber’s adventures every Thursday through her Crafting my Life series on her blog at Strocel.com.
{ 18 comments… read them below or add one }
Amber, Nice to meet you. This was a very interesting read. We are pursuing our own unconventional life but it’s a family project involving both my husband’s goals and dreams and my own. Unfortunately you can’t read about it publicly yet because writing about moving towards unconventional living while still working a conventional job when your co-workers read that blog is just not doable (the case my husband finds himself in).
I look forward to reading more of your blog and to see where this journey will take your family.
Nice to meet you, too! And I hope that one day, I will get to hear about your project. It sounds exciting!
.-= Amber´s last blog ..When I Knew Everything =-.
Amber! How nice to find you here. I understand almost everything you have written. My life has followed a similar path, but the part that I’ve struggled with is that many of the decisions I’ve made have not only been about following the rules, but also following the expectations of others. Following your heart, making new rules, that can be a scary thing. I love that your own journey has led you here and that throug it your discovering new and happy parts of yourself. It’s inspiring.
.-= Christine LaRocque´s last blog ..Honest and focused =-.
I love that we’re inspiring each other. It’s so great to have someone to journey with. :)
Not knowing what to do opens so many opportunities. :)
.-= Summer´s last blog ..Anti-Consumerism Link Farm =-.
It’s really true. Who knew that having no plan was the path to freedom?
.-= Amber´s last blog ..When I Knew Everything =-.
Read this with tears in my eyes, Amber–beautiful!
Jamie
.-= steadymom´s last blog ..What Makes You a Steady Mom – Mandi Ehman of Organizing Your Way =-.
Thank you so much for your kind words – they really made my day. :)
.-= Amber´s last blog ..When I Knew Everything =-.
I think it is so great that you took the time to figure out a next move instead of just rushing back into anything in order to restore the conventional mode of things.
.-= Capital Mom´s last blog ..Work =-.
What a wonderful life lesson. I can really see myself in a lot of what you wrote, as I’m sure many others can too! Thanks for sharing!
.-= Wendy Irene´s last blog ..Featured Article =-.
I loved your commentary. I think you might just love Radical Homemakers, I just finished the book in record time and am now even more comitted to making a non-traditional living. Good luck in your adventures, I look forward to following you!
erin
Radical Homemakers is on my Wish List. I can’t wait to read it!
Adding this book to my reading list. It just sounds awesome!
fantastically inspiring amber!! thank you so much!!!
~erin
.-= exhale. return to center.´s last blog ..i’ll text ya! =-.
Great post! I had a similarly eye-opening experience after being chewed up and spit out by the business world, and it is so very liberating to realize that I don’t have to do whatever it is people think I *should* do. And that there may be wonderful treasures along the unconventional path, which come from living my dreams with purpose and passion.
I still have moments of insecurity, where I forget about the benefits of unconventionality and think that it would be easier to follow the same path as everyone else. Thanks for reminding me about all the great stuff. :)
Visiting from your blog because your told me to.
I certainly can relate to this post. Corporate “reorganization” feels like a betrayal to those of us who believed that we could work hard and would be valued. I’ve blogged about that.
Do you wonder if living unconventionally might be too hard or come at too high of a cost long term? Or right now, it’s your best option? Do you suppose that you’ll be able to care for your children (whatever that looks like–direct caregiving or financial) with an unconventional approach? It sounds like it and I believe it’s possible.
I’m pondering these things as I mull over women’s economic power and how we retain it.
I definitely have moments where I think it might be too hard, or that it might be irresponsible or not really possible. I worry that I’m pulled in too many directions all the time, and I sometimes feel like I can’t accomplish anything.
The truth is that I felt this way when I was working, too. I don’t think that there is any surefire way to avoid feeling this way when you have little kids. And so I plug away at it. And I keep the option of returning to work outside the home open, in some form, or at some point. If I have to. But right now I don’t, and so I’m giving myself the freedom to pursue a new path. I don’t know where it will lead, but that’s sort of the appeal. :)
It was very inspiring to read your blogpost as I am in a very similar situation. For my parents it has always been safety and security first. But I always wanted to do things differently. I have a job that I love with the thrill of discovery but No stability. My boyfriend is unconventional and I am pretty sure my parents will not approve and might even cut me off. Makes me wonder whether the risks I am taking are really going to be worth taking. If I might not piss everyone off by being different and at 62 end up wondering why I didnt do everything the right way……
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