Yesterday’s Photo-Friday post was not supposed to go out until today and it wasn’t even finished, but I was called out to a birth and in the rush of things I scheduled the post instead of saving it as a draft. Sorry about that!
WAIT….back up. Did I just say I got called out to a birth? Yes, I did! I spent all day Wednesday with an awesome couple birthing their first baby. I want to nominate these people for fantastic parents of the year already because they worked so hard to get informed and created a network of support around themselves that (in my mind) almost guaranteed a great birth experience. Even if there had been physical complications, they were so prepared and so well supported in all areas that I think they still had themselves in the best case scenario all around. They did have a great experience and I did too.
She was a really independent birther and mostly needed the midwives and me (the doula) there for reassurance during some strong moments, but mostly I just stood Witness. A couple of times I doubted that I was even needed and became self-conscious that I wasn’t doing enough, but when I checked in internally to be guided I heard, “Witness”.
Sometimes being a witness is the most you are able to do and yet, it can be a very powerful place. Holding space for someone and mindfully keeping your ego checked at the door, you help hold an open space where everyone is better able to act intuitively and authentically as they explore emotions and find their way.
I was reminded of how empowering and powerful it can be to stand witness to someone else’s experience or emotions. I thought of my children, struggling to work out an emotion and how sometimes my first reaction is to try to fix it, but maybe they just needed me to witness and help hold space for them to work it out.
I thought about times where Stone is working out his own emotions around something and because our lives are so intertwined, I too easily add myself into the mix turning the situation into a big mix-up of emotional debacle. Maybe he just needed me to witness his experience.
We’re in the middle of a huge snowstorm (it’s amazing!) and my parents are in town to visit. I’m going to try and stay really mindful of this reminder to allow people their experiences and do my best to hold space for them. I’ll let you know how it goes.
Have a super weekend.
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That is so true and so hard about witnessing. I just wrote about that on our blog yesterday – my four-year-old daughter told me that when I’m always right she doesn’t get to be right. In other words, back off and let me have my experience, mom!
Kelly Coyle DiNorcia´s last blog ..Sometimes I Wish You Were Wrong!
Oh girl. You spoke straight to my heart this morning. Such a beautiful, beautiful thing– bearing witness to the transformation of a woman into a mother; of a life entering our world; of yourself, finding your way.
Beautiful story, lovely picture.
Josh Hanagarne´s last blog ..How To Have Tourette’s Part 16: Permission To Fall Apart
I need to learn to bear witness more and open my mouth less.
This was really good:
I thought about times where Stone is working out his own emotions around something and because our lives are so intertwined, I too easily add myself into the mix turning the situation into a big mix-up of emotional debacle. Maybe he just needed me to witness his experience. – What insight -thanks!
Such a wonderful experience – for you as a witness and for the new family.
Nicki´s last blog ..A Winter Walk
oh those little toes!!!!
i’ve been really feeling the witness thing at my mothers’ circles and retreats. i used to try to go in and “teach” and then somewhere along the way (luckily fairly quickly) i realized that is not my role at all. i am there to hold the space and let others go inside and have the experience they need to have.
it’s been such a powerful transition for me. i actually knit sometimes during the circles and retreats — as my midwife friend often does when her mama’s are in labor — just to remind myself to stay out of their way and let each mama do what she needs to do to find her center.
xo
~e
ps ~thought of you this weekend. i subbed for my friend’s prenatal yoga class and got to teach 18 gorgeous pregnant women. we sang and chanted and had such a lovely time! so much fun!
exhale. return to center.´s last blog ..scenes from the weekend
Love this post. Last November I had the privilege of being the birth photographer at one of my very best friend’s births (Named her son Stone! Sound familiar?). Our other best friend was the midwife. One of the most unforgettable, sacred experiences of my life.
Heather Dessinger´s last blog ..Daddypotamus: My First Impressions of Mommypotamus
Hi Heather,
Thanks for stopping by. That sounds like an amazing experience. I’m really wishing I had a close friend who was into photography for my upcoming birth.
Just reading this now and in perfect timing! Oh, how I need to WITNESS my dear hubby’s journey more than getting involved! Thank you! (and maybe I should take up knitting, just so I can have something to focus on when he’s talking to me about his business again!) ;)
Kate´s last blog ..My Everyday Magic 3/7/2010
Kate, it’s so funny you said that today b/c Stone is getting his new business rolling and this week has been a big transition for him. I find myself jumping in and continually interrupting his process if I don’t like the emotion he is having. It’s really hard to let your partner have their own experience.
Omg…I do that ALL the time! Telling him how he “should” feel.
Yes, I often have to remind myself to allow him his path (while visualizing the path I’D like to see! ;) )
Kate´s last blog ..My Everyday Magic 3/7/2010
I loved this! I had a doula at my birth even though I got an epidural at 5 cm dilation. And you know what?! I really needed her to be there just to remind me that not only COULD I do it, but that I WAS doing it. Bearing witness is really a gift!
Tiffany´s last blog ..Looking Great Just Got Easy (Guy and Eva Jewelry GIVEAWAY!!!)
I can relate very much to this birth experience! I am a birth doula myself (and student midwife) and I am constantly amazed by the power of a birthing woman. I do catch myself wondering at some of these precious births, “What am I doing here?!” And then I remember that truth which is so very important: We all need a witness. Someone who is supportive, someone who doesn’t feel they need to fix anything, they just need to be there to love on us, and sometimes, that’s the best thing a doula can do. And as a mother, I can vouch for that need of a witness to my own births!
You were MUCH more than a witness.
Laurie´s last blog ..Sunny morning
oh Laurie! *blush*