We had our home visit tonight. It was very different from our first two–much less formal and not so urgent feeling. The midwife asked what our vision was and I pretty much said, “Well, and then I’ll just have the baby.” We all laughed because isn’t that the truth of it all.
You can plan and dream and worry, but really in the end you have to push this baby out. It’s really hard work, it takes you to your limit (and then some) and you somehow are lucky enough to be involved in a miracle. A real life miracle.
There is so much build up to the birth of a child, but with my veteran perspective I’d have to say that the actual birth is merely a blip on the screen–the beginning of a whole new world. Parenting, in my opinion, can be even more challenging because of its long term commitment and the way it completely encompasses your life experience.
My good friend Lauren who is my neighbor, fellow doula, and co-organizer of the birth advocacy work we do here in New York compassionately held my hand as I worked through my emotions about bringing a third child into this world.
Parenting: a little hairy and scary
There are still cute baby toes and hundreds and thousands of amazingly miraculous moments, but like Lauren said, my eyes are wide open and sometimes I worry about having too many children.
I worry about my sanity and the actual limitations of our living space. I worry about having enough time and effort for all them. I worry about caring for this infant, keeping my two year old alive (he’s a madman–have I mentioned that?) and being able to keep up with my almost 6 year old’s amazing intellectual needs through a sleep deprived haze. I worry about peak oil and over population. I worry about having enough money to afford the quality of food we want to feed our family.
Then late tonight (a few minutes ago actually) my other neighbor and good friend and fellow doula and birth advocate (I know I’m so lucky) sent me a tweet.
How can you have too many children? That’s like saying there are too many flowers.” – Mother Teresa
That simple little quote, that simple act of friendship (when I know she’s worried and busy with other things) brought me so much relief. Once again I return to place where it feels like I can do this. It’s amazing how a few simple words can make you almost cry as you remember that worrying does nothing and counting my blessings keeps me sane.
So with a steady gait I put one foot in front of the other and find complete gratitude for those around me (you included!) who help me keep my perspective. It’s those little gifts, those divinely timed well wishes and votes of confidence that keep a mother alive and well.
{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
So true and so inspiring. Good luck with the birth, Hillary. Remember, if you need anything, let me know.
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Hillary, I have enjoyed reading this baby journey. We are well done with having babies but I still feel so connected to that part of myself, my life giving, birthing self that it’s nice to read someone’s story as related to that.
I agree, not to diminish the act of birth, but it’s nothing compared to the exhilarating, life draining and life giving work of parenting.
You’ll do awesome, you are doing awesome.
Thanks to both of you for your support.
@renee–I hesitated in the middle of this because I didn’t want to diminish the act of birthing (at all–I mean really it is so huge and powerful), but after contemplating I still came to the conclusion that parenting (for me) is harder in it’s infinite nature ;)
I like how the act of childbirth has a finish line. You can set your eyes on that.
just beautiful my friend.
xoxo
~erin
.-= exhale. return to center.´s last blog ..what’s working :: mapping out the day =-.
The quote made me cry. You are a super mama and you will figure out the dynamics of three! I am the oldest of 3 (2 brothers) and I loved the triad! xo love from London
.-= Pure Mothers´s last blog ..Earth Day Exploration =-.
I am the oldest of two brothers too! In many ways I always wanted three because I liked the dynamics. The reality of parenting can always skew those thought though ;)
I just love that quote too :)
I remember wondering when my daughter was a few months old why I prepared so much for birth when being a new mom was much more challenging.
So nice to read your thoughts right now as I have some of the same worries with having a second child in September when my first is now only 20 months. How will I keep up with the needs of two of them? I’ve concluded that I will develop new parenting skills, not much different from the first time around really.
Maria, for me the transition to number two was easier (although I know if varies for everyone). The first was a *huge* transition and then the second one we were already set up with the whole diaper scene, already made decisions about sleeping arrangements, parenting styles and heck, we already woke up at 7 am! lol.
So excited for your little one! The fall is such a great time to have a baby.
I really did find the eyes wide open part challenging the 2nd time around. Not knowing is hard, but sometimes so is knowing.
But your friend is right, of course. And I’m glad the thought was well-timed.
I can’t wait to hear about your birth! I am wishing you a smooth and peaceful labour.
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You are amazing! And I, too, LOVE that quote! There can never be enough flowers!
.-= Kate´s last blog ..Finding the Magic 6/3/2010 =-.