I have received an amazing amount of clarity in the past week. Letting go of my fears and expectations (and hang ups surrounding this birth) turned out to open an amazing new spectrum of experience.
(Rootbeer floats have been my constant feel good companion this pregnancy and eight months later I’ve perfected the craft!)
I was searching for an old post and instead found this one. I reread it and instantly thought–see this is why I’ve had such a hard time accepting this pregnancy and then I looked at the date and gasped. My last menses was on September 9th meaning I wrote that post pretty much while I was conceiving. (Well, not really, but you know what I mean.) This explained so much for me. My head was in a completely different place than my body. It literally took me months (…and months…and months) to get my whole self on the same page again.
(We’ve been making sure the kids are getting some one-on-one time before the baby arrives and Sol’s new obsession is lego Atlantis. He let me be the biggest ship he has–swoon.)
Somehow realizing this so concretely and seeing that blog post made it all a little more understandable and easier to accept that I’ve been having a hard time–and most importantly–this is okay and maybe even *more* importantly–this is understandable and even makes sense.
Okay. So moving on. (In so many ways.)
Right now I feel like my lesson is to let go.
I am letting go of all my expectations and the idea of where I thought my life was headed right now. Ironically, the more I let go of control the more I start to feel in control, or steady in my life again. We all write our own stories and I started to notice that mine had the reoccuring theme that something wasn’t quite right. Whether it was the timing, the pregnancy, the house etc –something always wasn’t right. This is not the story I want to be telling so I started switching it up and behold the miracles begin: doors open, new friends appear, old friends surface, creative spark inspires and my path becomes easier to walk. Finally!
Funny thing is nothing has really changed. I don’t think much is different in my life than it was a few weeks back, but it just feels better to be feeling better. It feels better to Trust again. It feels better to be open to this Path even though I didn’t consciously sign onto it. It feels better to go with the Flow than to be constantly paddling upstream.
Without too much more rambling here are my inspired intentions for the week:
Practical Step to Take
Nourish and celebrate my growing body and baby. I am starting to become really tired at certain parts of the day. Part of me knows this is normal being almost 35 weeks pregnant and caring for two children, but I also know I can lean towards anemia. I was also reminded by a good friend how important it is to take my fermented cod liver oil and I want to make an effort to make sure I am providing my body with nourishing foods that will help keep me balanced and strong.
Creative Expression
Further establish basic self-sufficiency. We are continuing to be ever mindful of our resources and spending as we begin this journey as a self-employed family. I know I can utilize my creativity to meet our needs by reusing, repurposing and preparing ahead with food and meals. I look at it as my creative challenge!
Focusing my Mind & Thinking
Take control of the stories I tell. There is so much in life I cannot control and I am ready to let go and trust in so many ways, but I am ready to mindfully and masterfully choose my words, thoughts and the stories I tell. I want to stay focused on opportunity and keep my mind on my blessings.
Spiritual Expression
Wisely letting go of dreams that don’t fit right now. I fought to hold onto so many of my career orientated visions during this pregnancy and I know now that letting go does not mean I’ve failed, but instead opens me to a path that is best suited for my whole person and my Truth. I am ready to, in many ways, forget what I already know and become like a child so that I can fully embrace and learn these new lessons being brought to me through pregnancy, birth and a new teacher arriving in my life!
I See Myself Heading Towards a Time of…
Less goal orientated living and more dreamy time visions. In my experience childbirth is very dreamy and easier to navigate when living in an intuitive based experience rather than a super rational mind. I want to open myself to a more intuitive experience so I can be best prepared for an enjoyable, safe and healthy birth experience.
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What’s up with your week? I’d love to hear about it and I want to share two of my new blog crushes and the thoughts and writing that makes me love them:
urban. prairie. forest. : confessions of an unschooling mom
Strocel.com: Crafting my Life
Have an mind-bending, dream inspired week!
{ 8 comments… read them below or add one }
OH.. this was good stuff Hillary. Letting Go and opening up is one of the most beautiful ways to live (and we help you in birthing this babe – which you know of course).
I too have let go of dreams that don’t fit right now and it was good to do so. I feel so much more focused. Less scatter brained and worried.
And I love how you look at self sufficiency through a creativity lens. Of course! It makes so much sense. Sometimes I feel less than creative because I’m not stitching quilts, knitting sweaters and doing other stuff I see “creative types” doing and blogging about. But so much of my day is creative. Making do with less, repurposing this thing into that thing etc… Thanks for the shift in focus.
Renee, I’m so glad you relate in that way. I am not an innately crafty person and yet I know I am creative. Sometimes our society labels creative expression as one way of living, but really we all are creative being and part of the creativity is the uniqueness with which we express it!
Thank you. I feel rejuvenated after reading this entry. Miss you and yours. Joe and I were talking about you guys last night and really loving the memories.
I’m so happy you commented:)
We’ve been thinking about you guys and I’m forever stalking your facebook photos for a glimpse into your world.
I’ve been enjoying your recent posts and deeply resonating with your words, heart, and truth. I am walking this path with you, Sister. Thank you for always opening with us-truly and vulnerably, fiercely and with grace. I hope a visit is in our near future. Maybe a mama to mama walk?
So glad to hear from you Aimee and love that we’re sharing a pregnancy together. Let’s shoot for next week. Hopefully it warms up :)
Right there with ya..letting go to actually feel some control. Or maybe not control but peace at last.
And oh. my. goodness. 35 weeks already? Where are those belly pics?
.-= ~Tara´s last blog ..Spinning and Hooping =-.
That’s really wonderful … it really sounds as though you are on the right path for you! It’s amazing how shifting the way we think about things really also seems to shift the very ground we stand on! I’ve had to let go of dreams as well, but they were dreams that no longer fit with my lifestyle or … me. I’m a different person, and I’m learning to be okay with that.
.-= Juliana´s last blog ..Hands That Create =-.
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